I am guessing that much of the motivation for these "secret transition" policies comes from the instructors' belief than anyone who would stand in the way of an LGBT+ person's self-realization is a monster. (I'm a man, and my family was relatively chill with my homosexuality, but my husband's parents disowned him for a time when we got married--I'm guessing a lot of the thinking behind these "on the DL" policies is shaped by people who imagine themselves as fighting on behalf of people like my husband.)
But the presumptuousness of it all! To have faith in your institution's validity above the power of an actual family! And even worse, the lack of foresight, because of course these efforts will eventually become known to the general public, and justifiably terrify them. Every day I see something on the news that foreshadows an even bigger backlash against the gay/trans community than the one I feared the day before.
Something that always strikes me is how NEW and, let's face it, EXPERIMENTAL so much of this is. I think I'd have more respect for the way this movement was rolling out if its purveyors were honest about that. Instead, you have effectively new treatments presented to you as though we have decades of research to back them up, and there's so much dishonesty about what we do and do not know. Scratch the surface of many facts and figures that are thrown at you by activists, and you find that they're cherry picking to justify their own gut feelings about what to do--and those gut feelings are informed more by the history of activism than psychology.
I appreciate your reporting so honestly, but also fairly, on this beat. Taking one explicit "side" in this particular culture war makes it impossible to report on it accurately, because there are so many facts that don't fit either narrative that is being pushed. Trans people are not going anywhere! But neither are gay people, confused teens, or parents.
It’s a great piece. The postscript goes a long way to explaining the morass we’re in. The ideological capture of the media is astonishing, and it’s encouraging the left to abandon critical thinking in favor of strident tribalism. Publishing a well-reasoned, inoffensive piece like yours would give them an on-ramp to a real dialog, but they can’t see the need for one.
Thank you once again Lisa. I can't wait for the day that the publications you mentioned will actually have the decency to publish articles like yours. Meanwhile, thank you for writing and for making your work public. I have shared your substack with several parents like myself.
I agree with Immortan - it appears to be that schools have a very outdated notion of what happens when a kid questions their gender or their sexuality. Public attitudes towards both gay people and trans people have shifted quite dramatically in the past decades, and while I'm not saying that no kid gets kicked out or punished after coming out (or being found out), I would hazard a guess that it's A LOT rarer now than it was even 20-30 years ago.
Meanwhile, this law isn't forcing teachers and administrator to "snitch" on students. If a boy shows up to school wearing makeup and a dress, they can simply keep calling him by his name and he/him pronouns and make zero fuss about the makeup and dress. If the kid wants his friends to call him "she" and a different name - why not? As long as the adults in the school are honest and forthright with the parents and do not encourage kids to go behind their families' back, all is fine in my books.
I've watched and read so much about this issue, and it seems to me that this is driven by older gay and trans people who had a really difficult time with their families when they were younger. They often encountered derision and abuse for being gay or for acting like the opposite sex, and I think they truly want to prevent this from happening to the next generation of gender non-conforming kids. This way of going about it is really wrong, though, because as a result these kids end up getting distanced even from supportive and loving families. The narrative is: if you think you family won't throw a rainbow party for you if you come out to them, then you must hide it from them. But - as you said - support comes in different forms and is not always immediate and unquestioning affirmation.
By the way, thank you also for stating unequivocally that the Texas situation is equally horrendous. Parental rights should be respected, period.
Your voice matters on this issue— if we are not willing to explore all the questions that rise up out of this, we are doomed to make dreadful errors…. Our children need us to have the courage it takes to examine the hard questions.
One such question: why are schools feeling righteous about hiding something so essential and consequential from parents? Of course parents should not be excluded from these decisions! How did we get here? Let’s look at this from every angle! Thank you for your perseverance in writing about this.
Excellent piece. Those pushing these interventions have no idea that gender identification is not permanent, and that it's not just oh you have gender distress, here are the steps.
It's oh, you have gender distress, this is really complicated, here's what's been done but we have no idea what might help your kid on particular, adolescent onset is not part of most studies and long term outcomes beyond the standard regret time are not available.
Thank you, Lisa, for continuing to write nuanced, balanced, researched pieces on this issue. i wish the NY Times had taken it but hopefully, others will work to share it as widely as possible.
I am guessing that much of the motivation for these "secret transition" policies comes from the instructors' belief than anyone who would stand in the way of an LGBT+ person's self-realization is a monster. (I'm a man, and my family was relatively chill with my homosexuality, but my husband's parents disowned him for a time when we got married--I'm guessing a lot of the thinking behind these "on the DL" policies is shaped by people who imagine themselves as fighting on behalf of people like my husband.)
But the presumptuousness of it all! To have faith in your institution's validity above the power of an actual family! And even worse, the lack of foresight, because of course these efforts will eventually become known to the general public, and justifiably terrify them. Every day I see something on the news that foreshadows an even bigger backlash against the gay/trans community than the one I feared the day before.
Something that always strikes me is how NEW and, let's face it, EXPERIMENTAL so much of this is. I think I'd have more respect for the way this movement was rolling out if its purveyors were honest about that. Instead, you have effectively new treatments presented to you as though we have decades of research to back them up, and there's so much dishonesty about what we do and do not know. Scratch the surface of many facts and figures that are thrown at you by activists, and you find that they're cherry picking to justify their own gut feelings about what to do--and those gut feelings are informed more by the history of activism than psychology.
I appreciate your reporting so honestly, but also fairly, on this beat. Taking one explicit "side" in this particular culture war makes it impossible to report on it accurately, because there are so many facts that don't fit either narrative that is being pushed. Trans people are not going anywhere! But neither are gay people, confused teens, or parents.
It’s a great piece. The postscript goes a long way to explaining the morass we’re in. The ideological capture of the media is astonishing, and it’s encouraging the left to abandon critical thinking in favor of strident tribalism. Publishing a well-reasoned, inoffensive piece like yours would give them an on-ramp to a real dialog, but they can’t see the need for one.
Thank you once again Lisa. I can't wait for the day that the publications you mentioned will actually have the decency to publish articles like yours. Meanwhile, thank you for writing and for making your work public. I have shared your substack with several parents like myself.
I agree with Immortan - it appears to be that schools have a very outdated notion of what happens when a kid questions their gender or their sexuality. Public attitudes towards both gay people and trans people have shifted quite dramatically in the past decades, and while I'm not saying that no kid gets kicked out or punished after coming out (or being found out), I would hazard a guess that it's A LOT rarer now than it was even 20-30 years ago.
Meanwhile, this law isn't forcing teachers and administrator to "snitch" on students. If a boy shows up to school wearing makeup and a dress, they can simply keep calling him by his name and he/him pronouns and make zero fuss about the makeup and dress. If the kid wants his friends to call him "she" and a different name - why not? As long as the adults in the school are honest and forthright with the parents and do not encourage kids to go behind their families' back, all is fine in my books.
I've watched and read so much about this issue, and it seems to me that this is driven by older gay and trans people who had a really difficult time with their families when they were younger. They often encountered derision and abuse for being gay or for acting like the opposite sex, and I think they truly want to prevent this from happening to the next generation of gender non-conforming kids. This way of going about it is really wrong, though, because as a result these kids end up getting distanced even from supportive and loving families. The narrative is: if you think you family won't throw a rainbow party for you if you come out to them, then you must hide it from them. But - as you said - support comes in different forms and is not always immediate and unquestioning affirmation.
By the way, thank you also for stating unequivocally that the Texas situation is equally horrendous. Parental rights should be respected, period.
Thanks again for your work!
Your voice matters on this issue— if we are not willing to explore all the questions that rise up out of this, we are doomed to make dreadful errors…. Our children need us to have the courage it takes to examine the hard questions.
One such question: why are schools feeling righteous about hiding something so essential and consequential from parents? Of course parents should not be excluded from these decisions! How did we get here? Let’s look at this from every angle! Thank you for your perseverance in writing about this.
Excellent piece. Those pushing these interventions have no idea that gender identification is not permanent, and that it's not just oh you have gender distress, here are the steps.
It's oh, you have gender distress, this is really complicated, here's what's been done but we have no idea what might help your kid on particular, adolescent onset is not part of most studies and long term outcomes beyond the standard regret time are not available.
Good night and good luck.
Thank you, Lisa, for continuing to write nuanced, balanced, researched pieces on this issue. i wish the NY Times had taken it but hopefully, others will work to share it as widely as possible.
A shame that none of those publications took your pitch—an excellent read.
Thanks for writing this Lisa!