Lisa, thank you. I discovered the cross-dressing diaries when I was at my most dependent, with 2 sons ages 4 and one, 30 years ago. As with many others, I witnessed him detransition, discovered 2 years later he was again leading a secret life, this time on estrogen. He clung to me, wanted me to tolerate a schedule of going out cross-dressing, while I staying home, holding down the fort with a 4 year old and 7 year old by then. I refused and was labelled "traditional, spunky, intolerant, homophobic, selfish" by him and his 2 groomer therapists. It was all about him and his needs. I'm one of the fortunate few who refused point blank regarding shenanigans in bed. After he moved out, his campaign to defame me in front of our children began. It continues to this day, with "help' from the ACLU, SPLC, and a certain health secretary in the federal government. Thanks for featuring us. Here's a clip, my reading of a sub/reddit ("Support for Cis Women Partners of Trans/Crossdressers") of one testimony, a cry for help, from a woman who is the one going out for work in her family:
What happens when very smart transvestites walk into a graduate seminar on Gender Theory? Trans Ideology.
That's a simplistic formula/joke I tend to resist but it does make sense to a degree. Certainly for AGPs who want to avoid a life of constant shame the trans ideology offers a path, covered with flowers and well-wishers, at least at the opening gate, toward self-acceptance.
I don't think it's the whole story but it's a significant thread which I look forward to you teasing out in subsequent essays.
That will be an interesting book to add to my pile. I can’t wait to read the missing chapter. My take on AGP is that it’s real, but what I find controversial is presenting as a women is a way to alleviate it vs finding a different form of treatment.
My ex is unusual for many reasons so take this for what its worth but as an AGP/crosdresser turned trans woman, as a husband he was great about dividing up the emotional and household labor. It was some thing I was attracted to. He just did things, we just did things and didn't have to talk about what needed to be done. So different from the other live-in relationships with hetero men I'd had.
Good luck with the series Lisa, i hope that you manage to carry it with empathy and focused on fact instead of spectacle and drama. While dipping toes into the "discourse" i've grown increasingly frustrated with the evergrowing extremism with which the topic of AGP is treated by everyone. You have the gender identity extremists (portion of whom are trans, but others are not, just allies) who say simply AGP isn't real it's all a transphobic sham, or that maybe it is real but it has nothing to do with transition or trans identity so nobody AGP is a true transgender but a separate cohort, and on the other you got the trans critical (who may self identify as conservative, gc activist, feminist, radfeminist or homeless, so don't come at me with no true scotsman, i often checked profiles and you all have your unhinged clowns) who say not only AGP is very real and proven but also that either everyone fits the AGP/HSTS Blanchard model including this new generation and that 70-90% of amab trans are AGP the rest HSTS, or actually everyone in the amab group including the homosexual is AGP because they're all horny fetishist creeps and AGPs lie all the time so even the ones who tell you they aren't just are lying (clever catch22). This second group also has a penchant for labeling any random amab trans or crossdresser they don't like or find not conventionally attractive as an AGP irrespective of their trajectory, as a way to enable mockery and viciousness, mirroring the way many gender identity extremists use TERF towards any woman (or sometimes even a few men) they don't like or want to cancel and justify harassment towards regardless of not actually being a radical feminist, aka the RF part of the acronym.
Personally i don't know what to firmly believe as i haven't read extensively on the topic, but in my humble ignorance i lean slightly towards AGP existing simply because I think other more extreme sexual interests in subgroups of human males exist, so it's hard for me to believe something like this paraphilia doesn't, however most of the people (of all camps) i observed online getting into this convo or using this terminology imho (pardon the language) are behaving like f*kwits and making such a sh*tshow that i truly do not see helpful for anyone. Also a lot of it looks like guessing and telephone game distorted parroting, like coming from people far removed who haven't truly taken time apart to engage with the theory they're using or criticizing, just throwing stuff around self righteously. So for that i do wish your series turns out different from the tide and pulls the ears on everyone, restoring some maturity and balance to the conversation.
I will say though, during the pandemic quaratine i don't remember anymore how but in one of the discourse rabbitholes i fell i ended up on a link that led me to a fairly popuated and active subreddit where the theme was amab posters wearing feminine garments from family and partners. I am willing to concede that there must be cases where everyone is in the know and the redditor both asked and received permission to use those garments and post pics, however because my (admittedly mild) understanding of the male crossdessing phenomenon is that it tends to be secretive and that amabs in general seem to have a problem with respecting boundaries, my immediate gut feeling as i scrolled was that most of the posts featured there were instead cases of amabs borrowing without consent or stealing from said mothers, sisters, aunts, daughters girlfriends and wives, the latter wholy unaware. To say i felt uncomfortable witnessing is an understatement and shortly after i closed the tab from the shock. To this day i wonder who exactly was the intended audience of such posting, why the site owners didnt shut down and stop such a thing, and how many would be devastated to know that their closets and drawers have been repeatedly raided while they weren't looking. And now with your upcoming series i also wonder (assuming the AGP concept is real), how many of that subreddit would be in that camp.
Lisa, thank you. I discovered the cross-dressing diaries when I was at my most dependent, with 2 sons ages 4 and one, 30 years ago. As with many others, I witnessed him detransition, discovered 2 years later he was again leading a secret life, this time on estrogen. He clung to me, wanted me to tolerate a schedule of going out cross-dressing, while I staying home, holding down the fort with a 4 year old and 7 year old by then. I refused and was labelled "traditional, spunky, intolerant, homophobic, selfish" by him and his 2 groomer therapists. It was all about him and his needs. I'm one of the fortunate few who refused point blank regarding shenanigans in bed. After he moved out, his campaign to defame me in front of our children began. It continues to this day, with "help' from the ACLU, SPLC, and a certain health secretary in the federal government. Thanks for featuring us. Here's a clip, my reading of a sub/reddit ("Support for Cis Women Partners of Trans/Crossdressers") of one testimony, a cry for help, from a woman who is the one going out for work in her family:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G4nmrq26e6M
What happens when very smart transvestites walk into a graduate seminar on Gender Theory? Trans Ideology.
That's a simplistic formula/joke I tend to resist but it does make sense to a degree. Certainly for AGPs who want to avoid a life of constant shame the trans ideology offers a path, covered with flowers and well-wishers, at least at the opening gate, toward self-acceptance.
I don't think it's the whole story but it's a significant thread which I look forward to you teasing out in subsequent essays.
Did you speak with Shannon Thrace by chance? Her recently published memoir "18 Months" is remarkably good, and heartbreaking.
I’m looking forward to reading the book & the upcoming excerpts.
I would love to hear your response to this item in The Walrus https://apple.news/A_qtrlky_SFawYB-UVg_V-w
I found it to make shocking light of blockers, hormones & surgery.
That will be an interesting book to add to my pile. I can’t wait to read the missing chapter. My take on AGP is that it’s real, but what I find controversial is presenting as a women is a way to alleviate it vs finding a different form of treatment.
My ex is unusual for many reasons so take this for what its worth but as an AGP/crosdresser turned trans woman, as a husband he was great about dividing up the emotional and household labor. It was some thing I was attracted to. He just did things, we just did things and didn't have to talk about what needed to be done. So different from the other live-in relationships with hetero men I'd had.
My ex is a puzzle though.
Thanks for this, I'm looking forward to reading the rest. I have an article about AGP you might like, really short.
I look forward to reading this book to see how you address the evoluton of the human household.
Good luck with the series Lisa, i hope that you manage to carry it with empathy and focused on fact instead of spectacle and drama. While dipping toes into the "discourse" i've grown increasingly frustrated with the evergrowing extremism with which the topic of AGP is treated by everyone. You have the gender identity extremists (portion of whom are trans, but others are not, just allies) who say simply AGP isn't real it's all a transphobic sham, or that maybe it is real but it has nothing to do with transition or trans identity so nobody AGP is a true transgender but a separate cohort, and on the other you got the trans critical (who may self identify as conservative, gc activist, feminist, radfeminist or homeless, so don't come at me with no true scotsman, i often checked profiles and you all have your unhinged clowns) who say not only AGP is very real and proven but also that either everyone fits the AGP/HSTS Blanchard model including this new generation and that 70-90% of amab trans are AGP the rest HSTS, or actually everyone in the amab group including the homosexual is AGP because they're all horny fetishist creeps and AGPs lie all the time so even the ones who tell you they aren't just are lying (clever catch22). This second group also has a penchant for labeling any random amab trans or crossdresser they don't like or find not conventionally attractive as an AGP irrespective of their trajectory, as a way to enable mockery and viciousness, mirroring the way many gender identity extremists use TERF towards any woman (or sometimes even a few men) they don't like or want to cancel and justify harassment towards regardless of not actually being a radical feminist, aka the RF part of the acronym.
Personally i don't know what to firmly believe as i haven't read extensively on the topic, but in my humble ignorance i lean slightly towards AGP existing simply because I think other more extreme sexual interests in subgroups of human males exist, so it's hard for me to believe something like this paraphilia doesn't, however most of the people (of all camps) i observed online getting into this convo or using this terminology imho (pardon the language) are behaving like f*kwits and making such a sh*tshow that i truly do not see helpful for anyone. Also a lot of it looks like guessing and telephone game distorted parroting, like coming from people far removed who haven't truly taken time apart to engage with the theory they're using or criticizing, just throwing stuff around self righteously. So for that i do wish your series turns out different from the tide and pulls the ears on everyone, restoring some maturity and balance to the conversation.
I will say though, during the pandemic quaratine i don't remember anymore how but in one of the discourse rabbitholes i fell i ended up on a link that led me to a fairly popuated and active subreddit where the theme was amab posters wearing feminine garments from family and partners. I am willing to concede that there must be cases where everyone is in the know and the redditor both asked and received permission to use those garments and post pics, however because my (admittedly mild) understanding of the male crossdessing phenomenon is that it tends to be secretive and that amabs in general seem to have a problem with respecting boundaries, my immediate gut feeling as i scrolled was that most of the posts featured there were instead cases of amabs borrowing without consent or stealing from said mothers, sisters, aunts, daughters girlfriends and wives, the latter wholy unaware. To say i felt uncomfortable witnessing is an understatement and shortly after i closed the tab from the shock. To this day i wonder who exactly was the intended audience of such posting, why the site owners didnt shut down and stop such a thing, and how many would be devastated to know that their closets and drawers have been repeatedly raided while they weren't looking. And now with your upcoming series i also wonder (assuming the AGP concept is real), how many of that subreddit would be in that camp.